Just not as easy as we thought..

As seen from the picture is my Dearest Feimei 21st Birthday ! 

She getting marry too this month ! 

What a joyful event uh ! 

The best thing that happen in 2013!

Just hope she will have a happier and better life awaiting for her in the future! 

Have a smooth delivery my feimei ! 

I public back my blog as I think there no need to private it anyway ! 

Alright, don't you readers miss me? 

2013 me! 

Alright school starting again in a week time,

hopefully things will be better when school start! 

I really need to stop eating and go on a serious diet.

When is my 55kg coming back to me?

Really getting on my nerves uh ! 

I know been too skinny is not a turn on,

but uh Now is FATS SURROUNDING.

Is like OMFG is so distracting.

2013 WISHLISTS:

I want back my 55kg.

Graduate with flying colors.

Need a stable job.

Not much wish lists actually cause uh, 

my mind is not really PROPER FUNCTIONING.

Alright, shall keep my blog alive from now on ! 

Byebye!

我的心好乱

有时候，真的不知道自己要的是什么。

真真假假，为什么就不能简单一点吗？

现在的我到底快乐吗？

但是我知道我至少很知足。

Accept the reality and you will feel better

Hello ! Sound stupid when I'm the only one who can read this blog,

Well, didn't have enough sleep today.

Slept only 4 hours cause teeruk is sick :(

Make me whole day can't focus on doing anything also..

But uh, luckily he is recovering.

If not sure tonight I gonna insomnia again.

Lots of words I wanna say but I don't know how should I express myself too.

But at least ranting is better then talking with no link right?

Yesterday got some disagreement with teeruk,

I think it really been ages since I last cried or even quarrel.

Luckily things had been solve and come down with a solution.

You once let me feel convinced,

you once let me feel important,

you once let me feel you're different,

and lastly you once let me feel you did care.

Yet I no longer need all this,

All you can do for me is to move on and get out of my life.

TeeRuk,

The time we been together might not be long,

but you never know how contented you make me feel.

You're the first guy who even put me in your future.

Cause to me, future is an impossible place for me.

I don't even dare to think about it.

After what happen yesterday and today,

I know I FALL in love with you without noticing.

I get used with you in my life.

It had become I NEED you in my life.

Idk if is a good or bad news to you or me.

I try to withdraw all the care and attention I give to you.

I know I can't.

All I can is to love you more and care for you more.

Whatever it is,

Chan ruk khun mak mak ! ><

Mood swing is such a bitch

Sometimes mood swing can really be such a bitch.

Gastric like washing machine stirring like nobody business.

Anyway did nothing much over weekend,

but uh at least I did rest enough,

Feeling so jelly I don't know why either.

Recently hearing so many break up and quarrel around me.

Actually is it so hard just to stay or hold on to one?

Maybe meeting someone right is not that easy,

but I just don't understand what wrong with guys recently.

Is it so hard to treat your girlfriend nicer?

I just feel upset for my close friends.

That all.

My teeruk is still as awesome as before.

I hope he can always be like this.

I'm contented with what he is.

So well that enough ? :)

Back to the topic,

cause of those guys I met and all I heard.

They feel me feel one word.

HOPELESS.

If marriage is all about cheating like how will win,

Please then marriage is not the route.

If playing around is so fun just date don't commit into a relationship.

Don't even bother to upgrade it to "marriage" with a stupid paper.

Which prove nothing when your actions doesn't reflect your own status.

Getting so sick and tired with all this dramas.

No more .

Hi there,

Say hello to teeruk ?!

Life had been pretty busy for me,

Work,school and now teeruk. (:

Thinking alot of stuffs inside my mind now days.

I know you don't worth any of my attention anymore.

Yet perhaps I'm been too stubborn,

if I can be as heartless as you I will be happier right?

I won't do such foolish stuffs over you.

Yet facing your threatens know how I feel?

LIKE A DUMB FUCK.

What had you done in return for me?

There is no right or no wrong in a relationship,

yet did you even bother how I feel all this while?

If you don't tell me why must I?

You make me become someone like now.

Who love to be realistic? 

Yet I have to be realistic to protect myself from everything.

I have no one but myself.

If by any chance you even think you're wrong towards me or Taylor.

Just get over it.

Cause I had moved on,

and I want nothing from you.

I aren't heartless,

think back how you had let me cry along the street even no matter how I beg you.

But thanks to you,

I learn to be stronger and I don't cry that easily anymore.

Teeruk,

When I first met you,

I didn't know you will mean this much.

Remember you told me don't fall for you too deep?

I keep this in my mind till now,

I don't know what you treated me as either do I dare to ask,

Yet teeruk, you make me feel contented just with you.

I don't know do you really love me or crush on me like what you ask just now.

No matter how worse the situation can be,

As long as you're trying I'm staying. 

We will make it through.

Sometimes I can't help to feel insecure and paranoid too.

Just that I'm not good in expressing words. :/

Love you teeruk ! ><

Paranoid is my biggest flaw.

I had been updating my blog regularly isen't it?

This is not a good sign alright?

Cause this means I had alot of thing flashing through my mind.

Anyway stall is opening next week at SCAPE.

Studies had been trying to catch up real hard actually,

So had to focus hard on career and studies.

Exams are at the end of oct,

yet right now I'm already starting to mug hard.

Cause I miss out too much in school uh,

due to my own personal problem.

I shall stop been such nuisance.

Anyway sweetie went to nightclub with boss tonight,

was kinda paranoid cause of yesterday dream,

yet I know I got to trust him uh,

so sorry I get so paranoid.

Now he is missing,

I'm worry more then paranoid what he doing outside.

Hopefully he will be safely home soon.

I miss you A.

Can't help to be paranoid.

"Sometimes I just hope I can stop growing up."

Feeling so emotional today,

out of a sudden everything just seem to crush down.

Need to focus more on my studies and keep myself busy.

Life have not been really smooth for me,

I don't know how to express myself out to anyone,

don't know who to vent my mood out.

I know I should learn how to control my own emotion,

cause a girl like me shouldn't fall should't break down.

Only cause I tell myself I must be strong and never weak.

I don't want to rely on anyone,

cause expectation always lead to disappointment.

I don't blame anymore but just don't seems to feel important to anyone.

I don't want to be an attention seeker,

cause it irritate people.

Sweetie,it been sometime since I last seen you,

I understand you been busy but can't help it.

Just scare someone else will replace me,

I been so paranoid so naive,

I think I'm such a turn off and irritating,

You know I been trying to work so hard to get that 100 marks for you.

I know you say is not important,

but is everything to me.

I care about everything you said,

no one will see this blog as I said,

cause I didn't share the link out.

So I just want to vent my unhappiness here.

Everything flash back so suddenly,

I feel bad for making you "smoke" with me and stuff.

I remember everything that night clearly,

maybe you don't but I do,

I love having heart to heart talk with you.

I understand you aren't getting over with your past relationship,

you know when I see you shed tears for her,

my heart aches so much.

Yet I didn't say anything and I understand.

That scene had never left my mind or heart.

I just hope to be the best for you that all.

I'm glad that you're been honest and truthful to me.

I want this to maintain so I'm really my best.

Kid teung mak mak, Dai yin mai ?